Get over dating fears
That's ultimately the only way to truly get comfortable with the things that cause anxiety for you.
The same ideas apply to tackling non-social types of worries.
Deep down, you may want to distract yourself with someone else’s issues, which you call “being there for them” (a phrase you use frequently, I might add).
Let me give it to you straight: You’re forever going to have shit relationships if you keep avoiding the hard things. You’re forever going to running through an emotional roller coaster. I know it’s tempting, especially with social media being such a presence.
Acknowledging your flaws is acknowledging that you are unique and human. If you get comfortable with them, no one can use them against you.
If you become appreciative of your flaws, you can enter into relationships. Yes, it’s fun to use friends as distractors post-break-up, but it’s also important that you get comfy with the idea of being alone. We’ve all seen the movies where two friends promise each other that if they’re not married by the time they’re 30, they vow to marry each other. But it’s not realistic to set up relationship goals for yourself.
When it comes to more minor fears, just reading that may be enough to get you to start changing your behavior.
There’s the fear of being stuck with your own thoughts because, hey, if there’s someone else in the picture, you can focus on issues and “be there for them”. Just because you’re afraid does not mean you have to succumb to these fears.
Ultimately, it’s important that you feel good enough and you feel like you are enough. By doing this, you’re completely closing off opportunities for the good stuff: the really good, authentic relationships.
Not what you do or who you hope to be in the future, but you, right now, raw form, are enough. If you haven’t spent a lot of time single, you probably aren’t sure what to even do with your free time. Make a different vow by vowing that you will honor yourself and who you are before your need to be in a romantic relationship. You can only give what you have and if you don’t appreciate and love yourself to the extent of your abilities, then what are you giving away? Let go of the idea that singlehood is a shameful state.
There’s the fear of being seen as a loser because, hell, you’re in your 20s or 30s and just can’t seem keep a relationship. Control your emotions and stop holding yourself captive to your own mind. The other hard things are what you’re running from every time you avoid single-hood. You’re covering up the negatives by overwhelming your brain with a positive (the little “feel-goods” we get at the start of a new relationship, aka “the honeymoon phase”).
There’s the fear of your ex finding someone else who’s perfect for them and 1000x better than you, so you’d rather beat him to the punch. You may have brought in another person because you don’t want to focus on your issues, which seem looming and daunting.
Falling in love with someone can be highly exciting and thrilling, but for many people, it can also be scary and difficult.